


Too many cooks can ruin the broth

by Jukingbox



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Cooking, Gen, One Shot, Short, Teaching
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-26
Updated: 2017-08-26
Packaged: 2018-12-20 07:32:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11916129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jukingbox/pseuds/Jukingbox
Summary: A little writing prompt from /utg/.Toriel tries to teach Undyne and Papyrus to cook





	Too many cooks can ruin the broth

It was supposed to be so simple

“PAP! PAP, PASS IT HERE!”

It was supposed to be a soup.

“NYEH! Oh hold on-WOAH! Almost slipped out of my hands!”

“Yeah, look out, the skin is slippery!”

Just a simple turkey and dumplings recipe.

“Woah woah WOAH! Almost dropped it- MMPH!!”

Baking the turkey was a nightmare enough. Undyne and Papyrus had nearly blown up the house trying to prepare it in advance.

“DOUGHBALL FIGHT!”

“Not if me and my trusty drumstick bat have anything to say about it!”

She practically had to hold their hands to get the dough ready. About a third had been ruined: splattered on the wall, shoved into one’s bra and the other’s shorts. Getting Undyne to knead and not smash was an exercise in both saintly patience and futility. Even more now was lost, some in Papyrus’ eye socket.

“Batter up!”

“HAVE AT YOU!!”

One more try...

**“EXCUSE ME.”**

Undyne froze and Papyrus’ eyes popped, sending dough over his cheek and into his scarf. The huge turkey leg in his hand nearly slipping out as his hand went slack. The Fish woman’s eye looked to and fro before her mouth stretched into a goofy smile, her friend following suit.

“Now, what did I say earlier?”

The smiles immediately vanished from both faces, replaced by looks of embarrassment and some chagrin.

Undyne replaced the ball of dough in her hand with obvious reluctance. “Food is for eating, not for throwing…”

Toriel gently began to knead the balled-up dough in with the rest of it. “That’s right. Now, do we remember the next step?

The Captain scratched a little behind her ponytail. “Ah, something about rolling the dumplings…”

“Correct! Papyrus, would you like to give Undyne a hand?”

The Skeleton threw a hearty salute. “Yes, Ms Asgore’s clone!”

“Sweetie, we’ve been over this. Just call me Toriel!”

“Yes, Ms Toriel’s clone, ma’am!” He dropped his salute. Toriel shook her head, trying to hold on to an exasperated smile.

“Now, we’re making simple dumplings here. We’re not filing them with much, so make them small, okay? You two remember how I showed you to do it?”

Undyne chortled, leaning on the countertop. “Yeah, yeah, it’s just rolling dumplings. We can handle it.”

“You sure can… Oh! Here, we can’t fill the dumplings without the meat, can we? Who would like to cut some of the turkey here?’

“Oh! Me! I volunteer!”

“Go right on ahead Papyr- oh dear…”

The Skeleton hefted a huge bone over his head as a skeletal barricade formed around the turkey. “When I’m through with you, the farmer’s axe will be the LEAST of your worries, foul turkey!”

“Oh, Papyrus, you can’t-“

“My special attack will blast you into so many little pieces, we’ll have dumplings for days!”

“Papyrus-“

“WEEKS!”

“Dear, you-“

“Actually, maybe not because **THAT WOULD GET REALLY STINKY!”**

**“Papyrus.”**

His bulging eyes turned back to see a rather stern face on the old Queen. Slowly, he lowered his blue bone club. “Y-Yes, Ms. Toriel’s clone?”

“There will be no need for that. Looks Like, I’ll have to show you two again. Undyne, you’re closer to the cutlery…” Toriel froze for a bit. Lord knows how many ways this could go wrong. “Could you perhaps come and cut the turkey?”

“You got it!”

A surprisingly cordial response. This could actually go well…

She pulled almost every knife out of the cabinet, both hands no bristling with blades. She arched herself back, holding the knives between her fingers and spreading her feet apart. A devious grin spread across her face, and her eye glimmered with that overcharged spunkiness that so easily brought ruin to whatever lay in its gaze.

…Nope.

“Alphys showed me this once…”

Not those insipid cartoons….

“TOKI WO TOMARE”

“YIPE!” Papyrus ducked out of the way, landing into the spice rack and toppling nearly every single one of its contents onto the floor. And onto him as we waggled about, trying to right himself.

Here it comes…

“ZA WARUDO!”

At once, the young woman threw all each handful of knives at the turkey with impeccable aim. Each blade hit the meat with enough impact to nearly topple it over. The juices collecting at the bottom of the pan splashed out each sharp handful nearly sent the bird into the dining room, some of which got Toriel in the face, a little fatty skin landing handsomely on her nose, dangling just a bit.

“How’s _that_ for cutlery?!” Undyne high fived Papyrus, who was now covered in dill, oregano, and all other manners of spices and seasonings.

“Not bad! Though I do believe we may need to-“

“Clean this up immediately.”

“…oh right.”

“Yes, Ms Asgore Toriel clone, ma’am.”

_________

“Alright, is everyone done? Let’s see your dumplings.”

“Right here!” Papyrus cheerfully displayed his handiwork. Each of his dumplings were arranged in neat and tidy formation, all shaped like little bones. She could see where he had folded them, with little frilly crusts hanging off the left edge (he had arranged them that uniformly). Amidst what had so far been chaos, this was more than enough to bring hope back to the beleaguered queen.

“Oh Papyrus, they look wonderful!” She examined them a bit closer. They sure seemed full. Perhaps too full. There was more of them than could be made with what meat had been allotted to him. Each was at least three inches long too. “Say, did you take more meat? We need it for the-“

“Oh no, I added some of my own ingredients!”

Toriel swallowed her spit. “Your ‘own’ ingredients?”

“Do you want to see?”

“Uh, okay. just let me..... oh heavens.”

She opened one of them to see, mingled with the turkey, lint, a smattering of paprika and crushed bay leaf, and some unrecognizable grime.

“I felt bad about the mess I made earlier with the spice rack, so instead of wasting all of it, I swept it all up and decided to re-use it!

“um…”

She opened another one.

Dead roach.

Dust bunny.

Tons of black pepper

Pink salt

Hai, and very curly, scraggly hair at that…

And just a sliver of dark meat. all packed lovingly into the dough

“Well uh, they’re-“

“How about mine, Toriel?”

Toriel could feel her heart skipping beats. “Okay, well, let me see.”

At least Papyrus could make his look uniform and neat.

On Undyne’s tray sat a load of doughy balls and lumps in a menagerie of sizes, shapes, and contents. Some were small as one’s fingertip and were stuck through the middle with a single piece of meat. Others were nearly as large as softballs, their many contents spilling out through poorly closed seams. Her additives outdid Papyrus’ by miles. Forks, screws, turkey bones, even what looked like a sake dish. It took a while for Toriel to take her eyes off the tray. It was like a car wreck, pulling her in more with morbid curiosity than admiration. She looked up and saw Undyne’s happy, beaming face.

“I saw Papyrus adding some more stuff into his so I thought ‘hey, that’s not a bad idea!’ So I went ahead and added stuff to mine too.”

Toriel was utterly speechless.

Papyrus excitedly shook his tray up and down, bouncing his dumplings into the air. “Well, can we put them in the broth now? Huh?”

“I… uh… I don’t think-“

“Don’t think what?” The smile disappeared from both their faces. Undyne looked unsurely at her work and back up to Toriel. “Are they…. Are they not good?”

“I thought I did a really good job on these bone shapes…” papyrus was noe almost completely overcome with melancholy.

To their relief, it turned out that more heartbreaking to Toriel than improper cooking was a sad, discouraged heart. “Oh no, no! They’re just fine! Uh... I guess… we can put them into the broth?”

Both her pupils lit back up like a Christmas tree.

Or perhaps one that was covered in white phosphorus.

“WOWEE! My first batch of dumplings! Sans is gonna love these!”

“Alphys will really dig these with her ramen!”

“Heaven help me…”

________

Frisk looked with wide eyes at the contents of her meal. She stuck the spoon in to pull out an apple sized ball of dough with hex bolts spilling out, each of them clanking as they hit the bottom of the porcelain bowl.

Asgore sipped the broth, nearly spitting it out as he felt something fine hit the back of his throat. He put the bowl down, reaching into his mouth and tearing up as he pulled out a long, red hair.

Alphys was unsure of what to do with the spoonful in front of her. An open dumpling bone hung off the end, a clump of wet dust sitting on top of the meat like a soppy, grey garnishing.

Sans just stared at his food, still wearing his nonchalant grin. Slowly, he pulled out a bottle of ketchup and poured its contents into the soup.

No one spoke a word. The only thing anyone could hear was Papyrus and Undyne sloppily devouring their dumpling soup. Glass crunching between teeth, lips smacking, spoons scraping against china.

“Man, we weawwy outdid ouwaselvsh thihs time, Pap!”

“You shaid it!”

“An we owe it aww to you Towiel!”

The Queen looked at her bowl, twirling the contents around with her spoon, specks of every size, shape, and color dotting the yellow broth. She pulled her spoon out, a lump of dough and a dead cockroach in tow. She couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Taught ‘em everything I know.”


End file.
